Feeling sad

Just need to vent. Bare with me if you choose to read... sorry it is long. My AF is 4 days late but I am pretty sure I am not pregnant. I am usually not late but I have been in the past so it's not uncommon. I have taken so many tests my eyes are seeing things now. Its almost an addiction. Guess I want that positive so bad. I have been trying for a year now but more so if you count while my husband and I were just dating. I wasn't tracking but we weren't preventing it either. We said if it "happens it happens". It didn't. It wasn't until a year ago when we got married did we focus on really trying from tracking to preseed. I did get pregnant 10 months ago but shortly miscarried. I am losing my mind and just want it to happen. Its not like I am young anymore... going to be 36 this year. I have an 8 years old daughter from a past relationship. This is my husband and I first marriage and will be his first kid if I concieve. He is super dad to my daughter but I would love to give him a child with his DNA and a sibling for my little one. I often daydream about how our kid would look and how my daughter would react. I just want one more to complete our family. Just one! Why is that so much to ask for. Its getting harder and harder for me to be on this app. All these pics of positive test and pregnant bellies are reminding me of how my clock is ticking and it isn't happening. I am happy for those but I can't help feel heartache. Will it ever happen? I finally made an appointment on the 9th with my doctor. Just to see if my eggs are still good and I am good health to concieve. Probably get my husband checked too. If things aren't right then that will probably be it. Our insurance doesn't cover much as far as fertilty and we are not well off to afford anything crazy like IVF. I just never knew it would be so hard. As a teenager I got pregnant more than once. Just being stupid. Miscarried. With my daughter I never even tried. When I was 26 a guy I was with at the time left me for another girl. I was heartbroken and went on a party rampage. Met a rebound guy that I didn't even like and bam... pregnant! I was a single mom for over 5 years... major struggles but I worked my ass off to provide the best I could for her. Then I met my husband. I had this plan that I would stay home and get pregnant. I didn't think it was too much to ask for and I deserved a happy complete family. Didn't think a year later I would be obessing about getting pregnant instead of having one by now. As time goes on it is getting harder and more sad.