Heartbroken, miscarriage and I still miss him 😭 long read

So my boyfriend decided to end things between us because, while he claimed to still love me and care deeply for me, he has this infatuation with a friends sister he's known for about 10yrs. He said he was torn and didn't know what to do, he didn't know if he wanted to stay with me or be with her. Him saying that already made me feel like 2nd choice because we were friends before we got together and it was no secret that he used to have a thing for her, but didn't know he still did all these years later.

I later got the details from the friend that his sister and my boyfriend have been talking for about 2 weeks, but the friend never said anything because he thought I knew this entire time, and that she was having relationship problems with her own boyfriend and told my guy she cared about him back, when she actually didn't in a romantic sense.

She was just playing with him basically because she never had any intentions of leaving her own boyfriend no matter how often they have problems, and she's still with him right now.

The night before he ended it with me I had hugged him in front of her and that pissed her off so much she was arguing with him all night and the next morning over text while I was asleep, she then blocked him on Facebook, social media and his cell (which by the way I think is extremely inappropriate and childish for her to get upset over me hugging MY boyfriend, considering she was still with her boyfriend at the time and knew we were still together).

He told me he needed to figure his shit out that afternoon and asked if I was gonna wait for him while he did, to which my response at the time was hell no. I told him if he decided to leave me now and try and be with her or any other woman that was it and I would not take him back, I'm not going to sit around and welcome you back after you try and get with someone else and they reject you or it doesnt work out, sorry but I'm not going to be anyones 2nd choice. But I also told him that if he didn't want to be with me anymore that was fine, because I don't want to make anyone feel like they have to stay with me and be unhappy if they would be happier with someone else.

Fast forward two weeks later, I started going through a miscarriage last Wednesday, and am still currently going through it, would have been about 10 weeks along right now.

I've been horribly emotional and got drunk and stupid me put my feelings out on the table, via text of course, and I told him I missed him and all that crap, he told me he missed me too and that it hurts like hell not having me there and that the dogs and his kids miss me too, said he never wanted to hurt me and had to end it before he really fucked up and hurt me (emotionally), asked me if I would come over and hang out and make dinner with him when we both have a day off etc. All that good stuff.... but then he turns around and tells me things like he always had doubts about us and I did things that made him and other people jealous, and that he was afraid I would cheat on him the whole time we were together, that he wasn't sure if I would ever be ready to be a step mom to his kids and that he's heard from a bunch of people that I hated his kids (NOT TRUE!!) and that I never made him feel needed.... wth...

He has been separated from his wife for 6yrs now, and has not been with anyone since. His ex wife came back 3yrs into their separation and he caved and slept with her once and she got pregnant with their last child. Outside of that one slip up he has not been with anyone in those 6yrs.

He's had all that time to figure his shit out, and the friends sister was single at one point in that time frame and neither made a move towards each other.

And as of right now he's still following the friends sister around like a damn dog when they work together, and then as soon as she goes home from her shift he wants to hang out with me, calls me hun, hugs me hello and goodbye, and still texts me asking how I am etc.... even after all the mixed things he's said.

He's making it extremely difficult for me both ways, I do still miss him a hell of a lot, I loved him more than anyone, but in the same breath I hate him for all this!

Part of me wants him back, he's my comfort zone and I loved him. He is the one person in this world I've ever felt comfortable telling everything about my f'd up past.... but the other part of me is saying good riddance.

I don't know what the right thing to do is, I miss him and the kids and the dogs (we just got a puppy together at Christmas even).... my heart feels like its in a million pieces right now and I've never cried so much over anyone.

I just don't know what to do 😔 I know I should probably just walk away from it all but it's harder when it's not just him I miss though...