Do I still love my husband?

We have been through a lot between being in love having a child then loosing 3 children then having 2 then cheating started with him then I have cheated and it’s all a mess but I think I have given up on our relationship I want love not war but because of the kids I haven’t left be cause my children have medical issues I feel no one will want to be part of this family and I don’t want them hurting my children any advice 😔