Depressed

My husband thinks he is such a good man and I feel bad because I disagree. He puts me down and yells at me and disregards my feelings he’s come such a long way from where he was though he used to get drunk and hurt me and other now it’s only others only sometimes. I always leave and always go back to him and then always feel this way again Idk what to do anymore Idk what’s even acceptable anymore we’ve been together since I was 17🤦🏼‍♀️ 🔫 I honestly just wanna die so I don’t have to deal with this in my head anymore