Feeling blue today

I feel awful for feeling how I do, just need to vent a little.

I am 39 + 1 today, due Valentine's day. This is my 3rd pregnancy and I honestly thought I would have had my baby by now. I had this gut feeling that he was going to come out more towards the 37 week mark. I had false labor around that time. Consistant painful contractions 3 to 4 minutes apart for several hours. Went in and was only at a 1cm so i got sent home.

I've been having painful contractions on and off since, but I can still talk through them and my water hasn't broken. Had a membrane sweep this past wednesday and i was at 2cm, had bloody mucous and contractions. Still no baby.

Every night I go to bed and it feels like my water is about to burst, but it doesn't.

I know my due date is 6 days away, but this is killing me emotionally. I have a hard time moving and keeping up with my 5 year old and 2 year old. Changing positions is so hard, that I basically start heavy breathing.

Mentally it's getting really hard to keep my calm when all you see and hear everywhere is so and so had their baby.

Or when someone has a later due date then you and their baby comes out before yours does. I know my time will come but it's hard not to be jealous.

I am happy for them, but it's like why can't that be me. Also I get irrationally mad at people when they say things like "what will be, will be" and "baby will come when baby is ready", "it's ok to go past your due date", "having a baby at 42 weeks is perfectly safe and normal"

You tell people you ahevan induction scheduled just incase you go o er due and they say things like "yikes, that's scary. Just let baby come naturally."

If my baby comes after 42 mark he will go to the NICU..... hospital policy because he could have had his first bowel movement and swallowed it. I have a longer cervix then most women so it takes longer to efface and dialate, which is why I have my induction scheduled just incase.

It sucks seeing all these women getting elective inductions starting at 37 weeks and I have to wait so long. I wouldn't mind if I could do it on my due date, but 10 days past is awful.

I woke up this morning to my body purging itself til there wasnt anything left and cramping really bad with contractions. It hurt alot and I wanted to cry. I went back to sleep instead thinking maybe this is it and I'll wake up due to pain and today will be the day. Nope. Woke up a few hours later and it was as if nothing had happened.

I only have 6 days to my due date. I just wish my body would get it together and either evict my baby so I can hold him, or stop playing mind games with me.

I have an induction scheduled for the 24th just incase, but I really dont want to go past my due date. However my hospital won't induce on the due date you have to be 41 weeks. I went over due with my last and I really can't stand the thought of being pregnant for another 16 days.

I'm not sure I can handle it emotionally or mentally.

Just laying here feeling blue, hoping my baby comes on his own soon.

Thanks for listening ladies 💚