I weigh 240 lbs. I weighed the same after my last pregnancy 7 years ago and it wasnt until 2 years ago, a highly physically active job and a meth addiction that i lost 40 lbs. I kicked the habit, felt good about myself and then got pregnant, lost my physically active job because of it, and gained all 40 back. I feel so low. I feel fat and discouraged. Where I live I cant go for walks as im on a busy highway. Im also a sahm to our 3 month old. I want to lose the weight so bad but funds are low so bad cheap food is all we can afford, I can't add a gym membership because of funds and even if we did have them I have a 3 month old to care for. It's sending me spiraling into depression. I feel ugly, I have no energy, all I want to do is sleep. I binge eat because I feel so low and then that makes me not want to eat at all the next day. My husband and I are both gaining weight each week and neither of us knows what to do. This isn't healthy. This isn't the life I wanted or the life I want my kids to see. I don't want them to think being fat makes you a lesser person but this isn't ok and I know it. How can I feel pretty when I feel so rotund and ugly? How can i teach them to love themselves for who they are when I can't show self love. I tell my daughter everyday inside and out she is always beautiful but to never let the outside beauty consume you. I want to be healthy. I want to not worry about type 2 diabetes, my increasing anxiety, depression and waist size. I don't know what I need from this post...tips? Advice? Validation that i am a beautiful person at any weight, or even that im simply a person? In struggling to hold it together. I come from a line of heavy people. My mom is 270, my aunt's about the same my grandma was the same until she got cancer and had to have radiation and chemo (another thing that's scaring me to death), my dad was 400 lbs and just got to 300 and quit his diet. Im scared and angry and sad....please help me. I hate myself and this blob monster I've become