First time SAHM/ NEED HELP

Let me first say, my husband makes decent money, and was more than supportive when I told him it meant a lot to me to be a stay at home mom once our baby boy is born this august, which he agreed meant a lot to him as well. I currently work as a medical assistant at a clinic (which I will be done in April for a very long list of reasons). However, I was raised in order to be a team with your spouse, to always make your own money. Obviously, right now I have no reason not to work, and the extra income is never a bad thing. My husband has always told me that I have always done more than enough to help, by cooking, cleaning, keeping him happy and sane, and here soon being a mother which is a full time job on its own. He was raised in a family where the women never worked, their jobs were to tend to the children, husband, and home. NOW DONT GET IT TWISTED, my husband has never forced me to feel any type of way on the subject, and has never made any remarks on a “women’s expectations in a marriage”. He has ALWAYS supported all my decisions and been a huge guidance in my life. However, being the situation with his family, he’s also very encouraging and very understanding that I want to stay at home with our son which I am so thankful for.

My biggest question is: how did you ladies use your husbands income without seeming pushy? Did they just give you their cards? Did you agree on a certain budget of spending a month that was given the in cash? Do you ask each time you need any money? I have always had my own money, even though my husband happily pays for almost everything anyway, as I don’t make a lot. I just feel weird being like “okay I need your money, our son needs some clothes, we need groceries. I guess I don’t understand how it works as I’ve never done it before. I know my husband would always give me money for anything for our home and son etc. however, I see some SAHM would go to stores and are constantly spending money on stuff like getting their hair done, their nails done, buying new shoes, etc. not that any of those things are bad, and maybe they discussed those things with their husbands, i just personally feel out of place asking for any money. How do you girls approach the situation, I’m so lost!

Thanks 😊

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COMMENT (6)

Ha

Posted at
I’m new to the SAHM thing as of 9 weeks ago when my baby was born and I felt the same way. We have a joint checking account so I’ve always had access to “his” money if I needed it but I was so use to having my own money I absolutely hated having to use his. He’s made it very clear that it is “our” money and use it as I see fit for our family but I never spend a dime without running it by him first. Like if I need to go buy groceries or stuff for the baby I just say, “hey we need bread, eggs and diapers is it ok for me to run to the store in the am and pick those few things up?” And he normally looks at me funny and says, “babe, you know you don’t have to ask right?”. I get it. It feels weird, but it quickly becomes your new norm.

Ha

Haley • Mar 20, 2019
Also, I forgot to mention... as for things for myself like makeup or shampoo and maybe a cute shirt I happen to walk by at the Walmart and think how nice that would look on me... I normally just give him a quick call and ask if he minds if I buy it or either I mention it later that night like, “I saw a nice shirt I really like at the store today” and he’ll say, “well why didn’t you get it?” Just communicate with him about all of your purchases. I feel like it just shows a level of respect for his hard earned money to communicate about everything I buy or plan to buy.

La

Posted at
We decided on a budget and our direction with the finances. Every Friday with discuss our budget. Trust me at first I felt the same as you.

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Posted at
Well in our marriage while all our credit cards are in my husbands name I have my “own card” . In other wards in his name but I’m the only one who uses it so if I need basic needs stuff I just buy when I’m out grocery shopping 🤷🏻‍♀️. Clothing an stuff we always go out shopping together anyways so no need to ask. I dnt get my hair or nails done bc not my thing perosnally. Big purchases no matter which one of us it is we always talk about it first any ways🤷🏻‍♀️ Realistically I’ve never had to ask for any thing but I always say hey I getting this or that and he does the same any ways unless it something like food or gas

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🍎 • Feb 26, 2019
He wasn’t a mind reader an needed to say something

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🍎 • Feb 26, 2019
Also just to throw it out theee I used to feel that way an my husband eventually told me