(This might be long, sorry)

When did you realize or suspect that you have depression? I have suspected that I have depression or symptoms of depression for a long while now, but depression isn’t a term that I like to use lightly so I’ve never labelled myself as depressed because I know there are people who suffer from serious depression and I’ve never known whether I truly fit into that category.

I’ve had OCD my whole life (disturbing intrusive thoughts followed by repetitive compulsive actions to calm oneself from the thoughts) and it’s taken a huge toll on me. I was also bulimic when I was 14. Mental illness runs in all of the females on my mom’s side of the family, so I am very familiar with mental illness. I don’t feel sad, I feel more like... empty. I disassociate all the time and sometimes just feel totally empty.. I love myself and am very confident in myself, but I don’t love my life, I don’t love my friends, and nothing around me satisfies me. Lately I’ve given up all my hobbies and things I love. I used to be extremely social and went out all the time, now I stay at home all the time. All of my friendships are surface friendships, and none of my friends truly know anything deep about me, not even my one and only close friend. I’m always looking for excuses to stay home and I just feel so empty all the time. But then when I think about feeling empty, it makes me sad.

I feel like I can’t have fun anymore. I used to be so fun and full of light and energy and now I feel the opposite of fun. When I hang out with friends, I just don’t have fun. I don’t find things funny. It’s very very unlike me. And I just really miss the girl I used to be... I miss the energetic bubbly girl that used to attract all people and make strangers fall in love with me but now I just don’t know who I am.

Anyways, sorry for the long rant, but if anyone can help me figure out what I’m feeling, or when you realized you have depression, I will be very grateful.

Thanks in advance ❤️