Obsessed with the idea of love, rather than the reality of it.

Love. Such a funny 4 letter word, don’t you think? It's what binds us together. It's what we're brought into this world with, and die surrounded by. And yet, we can take a lifetime in search for it. In search for that love that we can contain for ourselves, between you and you're significant other. So caught up in the imagination of the perfect love story in your mind, that finding love irl almost seems impossible. Trying to find your perfect partner is an ongoing, aching battle because you know no ones perfect. No one will ever fulfil the fairytale you’ve created for your love life. But, do you really need someone to complete you? Is it a need or want? After all, we enter & leave this life alone. And who else should we love more than ourselves? Who’s wiping away your tears when you’ve had a breakdown @ 2am? Who’s telling you to be strong? Who knows what you truly want? You. You are your top priority. You’re your only priority. Period. Yes, love seems like an amazing adventure in the labyrinth of your imagination, but don’t get so caught up in the made-up-wonderland that you lose sight of what’s right in front of you.

Hopeless romantic? Tell me about it. Just one glance. One touch. One conversation. One action and I’m head over heels. It’s true & man does it hurt. Love. How do you get over such an obsessive addiction? It consumes me. It begs for me to feel it constantly. I’m a slave to the feeling of lust. If not irl, than in the never ending movie screening in my head, feeding me the non realistic stereotypes of a relationship but still, I hope. Hope someone will love me as much as I dream for them to. Hope I will be wanted. Needed. Loved. But ik I cant be the only one so infatuated in the idea of love, right? Is love really that much to ask for? Or will I always just be left creating my own perfect partner with my own thoughts? Hell I hope not. I can’t imagine my life being spent alone. I crave with every cell of my body to be truly & utterly loved in the most realistic & non realistic type of way. But, I’m also worried that my hopeless romantic way of life will push me into diving into any relationship that comes my way, for better or worse. That’s why I’m so hesitant towards love. I don’t want to end up with the wrong lover & end up like my parents. Wasting my life cause I’m too scared to let go of someone else’s “loving” company. I can’t be that weak. I won’t allow myself to be that weak. Or will I? Is that what love makes you do & feel? If so, I’d rather keep dreaming it. I’d rather keep feeling absolute heartbreak through characters from books & movies as if I’m the one who’s heart got broken in two. It sucks being able to feel such empathy for others, especially when it comes to love. Like rn I’m full depressed crying on & off just cause I read ‘Five Feet Apart’ & how forbidden their love is. That shit hurts. It hurts because it’s not my own love story. It hurts that I can only experience love via the experiences and imaginations of others. When will I write my own? When will I become the main character? That’s all I ask. That’s all that torments me day & night. An itch that needs to be scratched.

And with a blink of an eye, the fantasy fades to disappearance, leaving you with a deep longing hole in your heart that screams to be filled.

(This fr was soooo therapeutic) 😪