Struggling.

I started getting working symptoms at 31 weeks but didn’t look into it for bring it up tell I was 34 weeks when I almost passed out at work and had a headache for almost a week. I went to the clinic the next day for an emergency appointment where my blood pressure was 135/97 and I had protein in my urine. We did the 24 hour urine test and my levels where at 500 for protein, that along with my blood pressure peaking at 159/99 for a few readings my doctor decided it was best to deliver in 10 days on March 16th (that’s the day I’d be 37 weeks). Ultrasounds and nonstress tests have shown my son is doing amazing (yay!!) but she’s extremely worried about my health and only is letting me stay pregnant since I’m so close to being 37 weeks and my hospital has an automatic NICU time for any baby under 37 weeks. I currently do an ultrasound a week, two non stress tests and one appointment due to preeclampsia.

Im struggling because I see how worried my fiancé and mom are about me all the time and I feel bad. I can’t work due to partial bedrest and I feel completely useless. I also feel so bad for the little one I’m carrying because he had to be born early since my body can’t support him as long as it needs to 😔.

I thought I had a month left of being pregnant and knowing I now have ten days really makes me nervous. What if I’m a horrible mom? What if I don’t get the hang of it right away? What if he hates me ? I have so many what ifs about what’s going to happen now. I’ve never really been around a baby before or taken care of one and now I have my own. I’m so scared I won’t be able to give him the care he needs because I’m dumb and don’t know how to. I’m just so stressed now and really scared to met my baby, I know I’ll love him and do everything I can for him but I’m still so scared. Thank you for listening to my rant