Single for two years

I wish I had a boyfriend. I haven’t been in a relationship since I think first year of college?

I’m in college still and have only casually dated but never actually went through with it on both parts. I can be indecisive and confused that I start not “wanting anything too serious”. They either aren’t interested at all in me or they are (the ones I’ve bonded with which are a few) looking for commitment. They all had flaws and I kept feeling I wasn’t ready for it. There was one that I connected to most, which we could be our truest selves with and be nonjudgmental. We could be weird as hell and always tell jokes and cuddle. I turned out to see two signs of abuse (not physical) which made me unsure about how I felt.

I just want connection. A kind, nice, sweet, loyal, funny, caring guy who I can be myself with. I’ve always had a hard time with that growing up which I was extremely shy.

Now, I’m able to show the world the real me (at least parts) and not so shy anymore. I’m friendly and outgoing . I used to be quiet but now known to be pretty loud and chatty.

People say I’m fun, unique and bubbly but guys NEVER seem to like me at all. They aren’t ever interested.