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Question

I meet this nice guy. His divorced with a daughter he has full custody of. Everytime we talk or hang out  his ex wife comes up in almost all our conversations. He says he feels nothing for her anymore but, we can't talk about anything without this woman being brought up. His been divorced for 3 years they were together for 12 years. 
He says his ready to remarry and have another baby but, I think his just trying to fill a void. I've asked him if he still loves her and he said no, but when he found out she had a bf he got all depressed and became distant towards me for a couple of days. We've been dating for 4 months. I'm thinking of breaking up with him because i'm not sure if I want to get involved with this.
Also, she left him and gave him full custody of the daughter. I just feel something if off. Any insight?
Also, he brings her up not me. If we are discussing our future he brings her up and goes into a rant about what she use to do and not do...before I know it we've bee  talking abouy her for an hour. I have brought it to his attention and when he starts to do it he says I hate to talk about her again but, continues to talk about her. It's never anything positive either.

Answer

It doesn’t sound like he’s over her. Trust your instincts here.

Answer

I think he needs closure. I don’t think he still loves her or anything like that but I think the way the marriage ended has left him without proper closure. I think he needs to sort that part himself. You two have only been seeing each other for 4 months, not a long time. If it were me I’d be gone. He doesn’t seem to be afraid of scaring you away.

Answer

When you say that "his ex wife comes up in every conversation", who is bringing her up? You or him? It's understandable that she will get a mention from time to time as they share a daughter. It's not really healthy for you or him to be having her a part of every conversation, maybe he is not ready for a new relationship. You could just bite the bullet and talk to him about it.

Answer

From the way you describe it, it sounds like he hasn't fully grieved and come to terms with the ending of that relationship. I think she upsets him but he hasn't really processed it and he's not moving past the end of that dynamic. 
If I were in your position, I would sit him down and tell him what you/I have observed and flat out tell him it's a barrier between the two of you now and you two moving forward together. He needs to decide if he wants to move on with his life (which may require a therapist) or if he wants to keep her as the center of everything.

Answer

Maybe he has not fully digested his previous relationship yet. If you think you might want to stay with him, have an honest conversation about it and tell him what you think and feel and how this is bothering you and that it will be a dealbreaker if it doesn’t change. If he is ready to move on and wants to build a future with you, he‘ll do something about it. Good luck!

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He sounds really hurt that she did that and he seems unsure if you might do the same. I'm assuming hes looking for reasurrance that won't do to him what she did.

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I’d walk away and let him know exactly why. Tell him when he is fully over her that you’d like to revisit but until then it is not fair to anyone to continue a relationship.

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