This isnt baby related. But I just want to be sad.

We have to put my 13 yr old dog down on Saturday. He has cancer and it's gotten so bad.

I have cried every day since we found out and I just cant accept it still. I want to give him a great last night tomorrow but when ever I think about it I just break down crying.

I love my dogs very much and Sammy is our very first dog. He is sweet and loving and just a big grumpy old man. And while I knew the end was near I cant take it. And I know the hormones are really getting in the way of me being the logical emotionally strong one but dammit I'm so sad.

I keep trying to tell myself it's for the better. Hes not going to be in pain anymore. At least the baby wont have to go through this in a few more years so soon.

It's the universes way of making room for a new life.

But none of it helps. I dont want to lose him.

My husband has worked nights for the vast majority of our relationship and in the beginning it was just Sammy and I. We would have dinner together, go to bed together. I would joke about tv or the book I was reading with him. Like literally my best friend in dog form.

I always pictured just one day waking up and him no longer waking up with me. We always kept him so healthy. The vet even said for a lab it's rare to get to 8+ and not be obese and have hip problems. He was the healthiest dog and then all of the sudden he has cancer and its aggressive and too late...