How do you get over your fear of a C-section?

TLDR: epidurals haven't worked in the past and I'm worried I'll feel everything if I need a C-section.

Long Version: With my first two, I tried the epidural and it didn't work. It felt like an electric shock going in and barely numbed half of my right side, they tried adjusting it and reinserting with no luck, I maxed out the dose and they made me lie on my left side in hopes gravity would make the medicine travel and cover all of me. It didn't. It just made me dilate super fast on my left side, and feel absolutely everything while also not being allowed to move or be comfortable. It was awful. I figured the first time was a fluke, but the epidural issue happened the exact same way, both times. It was even worse the second time.

I'm now pregnant with my third, and since my first two were 9lb+ and 10lb+ babies, I'm worried that I'll be breech or get GD and my naturally big baby will be a giant monster. I'm worried I'll need csection and the spinal and epidural won't work. I had to watch a csection during my birth class with my first and now I'm TERRIFIED of having one. I know my fear is irrational, but I'm afraid of feeling them saw into me, or KNOWING that they're sawing into me. I know I'll probably be fine, and probably be able to deliver naturally again but I can't shake this fear and I need to get over it in case it does happen. How did you get over your fears?