Toddler Melt down - what would you do?

Question

We went to the mall this weekend and there was the kids play area.. All the kids were playing "somewhat" nicely.  By that, not all kids are going to get along with each other, there may have been some slight pushing and shoving here and there, but overall, nothing to make note of.  
Then there was this very hostile young girl who was there with her father.  She was under 5 (I think) but she was elbowing, pushing, not letting kids play, nothing.. There was a young boy - maybe the same age, playing with his younger brother, and he stuck up for his younger baby brother (under a year old) she tried hit the baby... Meanwhile the father was watching and would randomly make a sound at the little girl.. But nothing else was done further. 
So the other family with the 2 boys, left the same time we were leaving, and I said to this family that they should be very proud that the little boy was such a great big brother and stuck up for his baby brother against a bully.  The mother told me that they were leaving because of the naughty little girl and she had some words with the father.  When I left, I noticed the father trying to wrangle her and she was livid.  And I started to feel bad for the father.  Why is this little one SO angry at the world, I don't think it was a "mood" cause of how aggressive she was, but if this is her nature, what can be done?  How do you handle this? I started to wrap my mind about how I would handle such an unruly child, and I am not sure?  Is this a nature thing, or is this something that is learned?  I am curious if any parents out there have a child with anger and aggression issues and how do they handle it, and how would they prefer other parents act when they see such behavior?

Answer

I don’t have a child with behavioral issues. But typically if he’s upset we remove and redirect. It’s hard to say if her issues are nature or nurture but honestly it could be both. A huge issue is parents using parenting methods for the kid they WANT not the kid they HAVE. They get so stuck on their own plan they forget that kids are different and their plan may be the worst for the child they are parenting. 99% of ‘bad kids’ are actually parents not adapting to their kids needs.

Answer

If I was the parent, I’d get to the root of her anger. No child is that angry at the world for no reason. If need be, I’d take my kid to a child behavioral therapist, where experts could help me determine what the issue is, and how to resolve it in a healthy way.

Answer

I had that child. We pulled him out of public school and began peaceful parenting. It has made the biggest difference. He has the emotional maturity that he was lacking. He learned impulse control and effective communication. He is kind, generous, respectful, and is great at making friends. It was a struggle to transition our style of parenting, but the pay off has been worth it.

Answer

Liliana gets aggressive, it’s one of her behavioral issues we’re working on in group play therapy right now. It usually stems from frustrations and her inability to communicate what she wants. 
It’s the PARENT’S responsibility to either resolve the issue or remove the child, period. Behavioral delays or issues is not an excuse to be a bully to other kids. Try using their “toolbox” or whatever their therapist calls it (coping skills, tucker turtle technique, each therapist uses different methods but whatever it is you’re supposed to do in these situations), and if that doesn’t work, it’s time to leave the play area. 
For parents of kids with no known behavioral issues who’s child is like this, begin The List™️. Y’all know what I’m talking about. Are they tired? Hungry? Going through any changes? Overwhelmed? Need a minute to calm down? Figure out why they’re being that way and fix it. 
If the parent is refusing to do anything about this and it keeps happening, I will remove my child from the situation and either have her play away from the problem kid or we will leave and go somewhere else to play.

Answer

My daughter Tess, is a parental challenge and is very defiant. She is my little rebel. In those situation when she got frustrated she would hit, kick, bite , scream and roll around on the floor. I will always try and de-escalate the situation before it gets to that point. Or remove her completely for the situation to calm down. I would take her to a corner and let her scream until she calmed down. Eventually she learnt that you behaviour like that, you get removed. And I always tell her my expectations before we go into a situation. I’m not a fan of calling children naughty and as she got older we would talk about whether she was making good choices or bad choices. When she has behaved in a negative way, we talk about afterwards, and see what she can do differently next time.

Answer

They have counseling for that. There's s place in my town that does play therapy since kids are too young to express their emotions well. Anger issues definitely need to be addressed early on so they don't get worse or before something bad happens (like punching a baby). Too many parents don't seek help because they feel like it's admitting they failed as a parent when really it's the opposite of that. It's okay to admit you have no fucking clue what you're doing and asking for help

Answer

He wasn’t giving her consequences for her poor behavior at the mall, chances are he’s not doing so at home either. He’s yes-ing her, giving in and giving everything. The little girl is not hearing no, and is used to getting her way all day, every day. That’s a parenting problem. Some parents parent out of fear and guilt. They forget children need stability, structure, boundaries, rules, and responsibilities along with love, affection, encouragement, communication and caring from a very small age. I see many well meaning parents give their children everything, spend every second of every day pleasing their child- teaching them zero independence and self soothing skills. These parents do everything with and for their children, they give them everything, more than they could ever want or need, over doing it and unfortunately, that sort of parenting doesn’t turn out well.

Answer

My niece, from the time she could crawl, was always a very angry child. There was a period of time when she and my son were two that I refused to go over to my sisters house because my niece had clawed my son's face so bad that it looked like a feral cat got ahold of him (he's 8 and has a couple scars from it.)
Once my sister left her ex my niece calmed down a lot, she's still angry and bossy but no where near as bad. I honestly think that her father being such an angry and demanding person has A LOT to do with her being that way. I've tried to get my sister to take her to therapy but she doesn't believe in it 🙄

Answer

It’s plan spoiled to be blunt. I worked as a nanny for 4 years and have seen this. I have even seen this same child behave this way with the father and like switch his personality into a sweet little boy around me. I set boundaries from day 1 with him and mostly talked to him during his toddler years and did occasional time out. The parents were entirely uninterested in anything he did and completely incompetent at parenting skills. Both doctors. He is a psychiatrist. It just always blew my mind. But they were always great with me professionally and personally. Just horrible as parents. The kid suffered and just needed some attention, love and obviously healthy boundaries and guidance. It breaks my heart to see that but what can you do. 🤷🏼‍♀️😰

Answer

Many small children grow up unable to properly process their emotions because they don’t understand how to articulate what they’re feeling without acting out. It’s work to teach a child how to handle themselves when something is wrong, but not teaching them while they’re young can lead to way more trouble later on.

Toddler Melt down - what would you do?

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