So I had some terrible things happen to me when I was 8 and my family could rough house with me because  I would scream like some one was hurting me. My mom took me to see my pediatrician because she was so worried. I didn't  tell her until years  later what happened after her co-worker had left. But know I thing the stuff that happened is effecting me and my relationship. Like my BF will stimulate me and get to driving me nuts, but we both decided we'd wait til we are ready to have sex, ie for me after marriage., but I get really uncomfortable about touching his body and i can't even get the courage to stimulate him after he's stimulated me. I've never had an orgasm but I think I was close, until his hand would cramp up. He's asked me twice and I've never done anything back to him, and I know it hurts him even though I've told him about my past, and that I don't want to see a psychologist. I'm beginning to think I should but I don't have the money and I don't want to get any of my parents evolved. My BF and I are both 20. What should I do?