Not SAHM material......

I've been so angry lately. Starting fights. Telling my husband not to tell me what to do when he's just trying to help. I got put on a mood stabilizer thinking my bipolar was getting out of control the older I'm getting and an antidepressant..

Our son is 8 months old and I haven't worked since the day before he was born. I had to call in because I went in labor.. my husband and I thought it was best for me to stay at home and not go back to work for awhile. I was all excited to stay at home all day and not have to work. Well, I still wanna stay home to watch my son grow and teach him things but I'm going nuts and seriously suicidal, not a joke, being at home all the time doing the same chores every day, trying to find things to do but everything is done because I've been looking for things to do and clean..

So, I decided I don't think I am SAHM material...... it's making me depressed and upset thinking that I can't handle being at home raising my son all day. It's nothing to do with him.. I've worked since I was 16, I'm 22 now so staying home is a 360 for me.. I'm struggling with leaving him with somebody but I an literally home with him all day, 7 days a week with no help. My husband works 2 jobs. Not because he has to for financial reasons necessarily. He has a job he gets paychecks from and one he does in the evenings with an electrician learning to do things to take his apprenticeship test as a self improvement thing and I'm proud of him.. but I can't take having no break from our son at all.. i have no time for myself unless he's napping and his naps are starting to get shorter and less often..

I feel so terrible I'm not able to do what a mom should be able to do. I love my son and it's not a case of not being ready to be a mom, I feel like I'm a good mom. I just feel like I have to go to work...

Please don't bash me. I'm hating on myself enough for how I'm feeling.

To add: I'm writing this because I just started a job today.. it's part time, which around here means 40 hours a week. Where I live, we basically work full time hours wherever we work part time. Nowhere considers you full time unless you're a manager. Then I'm starting nursing school in August..