How do i make him understand

A few months back my vibrator stopped working which I barely used it anyway bc it was bigger than I like, so I was looking at vibrators and found one I liked bookmarked the page so i could get it when I had the extra money ( we have 6 kids between the both of us so money is tight) so a few weeks back I found masturbation videos on his phone in his trash this upset me bc he didn't send them to me ( he said he was going to) then I found more again a few weeks later, I talked to a few close friends about it and I said I was thinking of putting some on my phone ( they told me not to that he would blow it out of proportion and make it seem like I did something) bc he didn't understand why it upset me I just wanted him to see how it felt I did not show or send them to anyone, well he found them last week and all he'll broke loose he accused me of having a bf and said I sent them to someone even though I told him over and over why I did it and that I did not send them to anyone. Well he went through my phone later and found the first set I did, I didn't like and thought I deleted but apparently I archived them didn't even know you could do that then he was sure I sent them it didn't matter how much I told him that I thought I deleted them bc they bothered me honestly I didn't like how I looked and and I thought I looked nasty in them I thought maybe I'd try again another time . Well he ended up cutting up my $70 toy to pieces and cut the cord to my back massager which cost me $80 which I used instead of the toy bc I didn't have to penetrate myself it didn't feel as wrong to me. So then he was going through my pc and phone sure he'd find something proving I am cheating I am not! He found nothing nothing to find any how he found the bookmark to the toy I want to get now he keeps bringing it up saying he isn't enough for me bc I need a toy ( he works out of town for a week sometimes longer at a time) ( he masterbates as I said above) I have had a hard time feeling comfortable with doing it bc of the way I was raised I was taught its wrong but I finally was getting over that and he himself kept telling me there was nothing wrong with it well now he makes me feel like I am dirty and wrong for wanting to do it at all how do I get him to see it has nothing to do with him I just want it for when I can't have him it is way smaller than him idk I'm just feeling like a slut now for wanting to do it at all.