36.1 weeks miserable

Okay, I know that sounds ungrateful to some people and I’m sorry. But, I’ve had such a horrible pregnancy at this point I’m about to give myself a c-section! Unfortunately the only thing stopping me is the blood thinners I’ve been on (I’ll get to that in a minute). It all started when I was about 8 weeks pregnant. I started vomiting like a sick cat constantly and would continue to do so for the next 5 1/2 months. It wasn’t until I was 12 weeks pregnant that I got diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum. This word meant nothing to be all I knew was I could not stop throwing up 24/7 and I thought I was going to die of malnutrition. I couldn’t even swallow my spit without throwing up. Finally, my doctor decided to have me start infusions. I would go three times a week for IV fluids, Thiamine and Promethazine. I did this for about 2 1/2 months, each time they would have to put a new IV in my arm (yes I looked like a crack addict) and then finally at 5 1/2 months it just went away. (YAY!!!). Finally feeling like a human again I decided to go back to work. I started just doing very part time in home care and then decided I could probably handle full time and went to work passing meds at a retirement home. I was back full time for a little over a month and a half. A couple weeks into it I started getting really high heart rates (talking like in the 160’s), chest pains and a lot of dizziness and swelling. I told my doctor about it, I had gone to the ER a couple of times and was told “this is all just a normal part of being pregnant, I am not concerned.” Pretty sure we have all heard this from a doctor or two in our lives. One day I was having such bad chest pain and shortness of breath I went back to the ER. I felt awful! They ran a bunch of tests and the only thing that came back was that my Troponin levels were slightly elevated. They told me it could either indicate a cardiac episode (not likely) or a blood clot which I was reassured “was highly unlikely with my age”. They were going to admit me but decided to run the test again and it came back completely normal. So they put me on ranitidine, called it heartburn and decided to send me home. It was helpful for heartburn but I was still having chest pains, high heart rates and dizziness. My legs and feet were just getting more and more swollen. I stuck it out and then more excitement happened-a flu outbreak in our town. I started feeling really sick and had a horrible cough, so I went to the walk in clinic and they sent me to the ER since I was over 25 weeks pregnant and my heart rate was 169. Finally I felt like somebody was concerned and cared. I got to the ER and my doctor was determined to figure out why my heart rate was so high and I was experiencing chest pain so often. At this point it was a sharp pain not just an ache. I was 33 weeks pregnant so he told me he wanted to do a CT scan and since the baby is just growing at this point he wasn’t concerned about it causing issues for her. The test came back inconclusive and he was about to send me home until the radiologist called him and said they saw something concerning. He didn’t tell me what he just said he wanted to to a different scan (with no radiation) called a VQ scan. We waiting for HOURS for the test and then HOURS for the results. The doctor came in around 2am and said the test was clear and he was going to discharge me. I was relieved and so ready to go home. So I’m getting my IV out and going over discharge paperwork and low and behold here comes doc again, holding him phone. He just looks at me and says “Wait, I’m sorry. The radiologist called and somehow he overlooked a big problem. You have a pulmonary embolism in the artery of your left lung” 😱😪 I instantly started crying worrying if my baby was ok, if she was getting enough oxygen (because I know I sure as hell wasn’t). I was scared for my life because I know how serious they are and can be. I was just scared. They told me I couldn’t work anymore and could only do minimal activity. About a walk a day and going around my house. I was put on Lovenox which of you don’t know is a shot of blood thinners you inject yourself with twice a day. And now have to be induced and have a controlled labor. I had to switch OBs which at this point was really terrible because I had bonded with my doctor and didn’t want to have a strange dr. I now have a high risk OB, he is pretty nice just very cold and to the point. Not much compassion I guess you could say. But it doesn’t matter because at this point I am just ready for my daughter to be here!! I hurt everywhere, I can’t sleep but am so so so exhausted and tired, I have a constant sharp pain in my left side where the blood clot is at and have been having mild contractions for 4 days now. I literally cried over fabric softener today. I’m so emotional! I am sympathetic to couples who struggle to or cannot get pregnant, I really do. It is just awful. But, I have to be honest with myself and others when I say I am just not one of those women who enjoys being pregnant. They say I’ll look back and miss it, maybe their right. But all I know is me and my girl and even husband have had a rough ride and we are ready to just all be together. I just want my baby here!! Maybe it’ll be easier once I know the date I’m getting induced. Having some kind of ending point might make me feel better.

Do any other pregnant women out there just feel over it at this point? Please tell me I’m not the only one!