Psychiatrist Appointment Today


I've been struggling with anxiety and depression since my early 20's I'm now 30. I feel like it all sparked during an 8 year long relationship I had that began when I was 17 that was abusive. I went to counseling and took Zoloft for several years. Then I felt like I was "better" so I came off my meds and stopped going to counseling. I did really well for a couple of years. Then 3 years ago I started dating my current boyfriend. I remember our first date he made a joke about people who take medication so I openly told him about my past and my issues right then. He apologized and we continued on. But he's not someone who understands mental health. He tells me I'm just throwing tantrums, acting like a child and even told me he sometimes feel like I'm his punishment for not dealing with his sister who is diagnosed bipolar. Anyway we've been fighting a lot lately and he goes from like a 1 to a 10 so quickly without warning. It's like he's perfectly fine and next thing you know he's screaming and cussing me. This occurred last Wednesday and I just feel so confused when that happens because I don't know what triggered him to get so angry. He's never physically hurt me before but I hate the way he talks to me sometimes. So I ended up going to urgent care because I felt I was having a panic attack hoping they'd give me something to relax. Since my blood pressure was so high 172/100 they suggested I go to ER to make sure everything was okay medically. I stopped by home to see the status of my boyfriend and if he had calmed down which was a terrible idea because he hadn't and just started fighting with me. He said he didn't know what I wanted and I said for him to calm down and stop yelling at me and act like he cared about me. His response was "I care about you as a person" I was speechless and just left to head to the ER. My mom met me there and I expressed to the ER that I felt like life was pointless. So I ended up on suicide watch which was pretty traumatic honestly. My boyfriend never showed up but kept tabs on my via my mom. They released me and set up the psychiatrist appointment for me today and I'm trying to get the help I need but it's difficult when my boyfriend has such a stigma around mental health. I called him after being discharged and he apologized and is being really nice now and apparently loves me and wants to work it out. I mentioned the psychiatrist appointment I had scheduled for today when we spoke. But he has never mentioned anything to me about it like to my knowledge he doesn't even remember I have it. So I haven't brought it up again because I don't want him to make me feel bad about it before I go. Should I talk to him about it before I go? After I go today? I saw a psychiatrist once before a very long time ago and it was a terrible experience and felt worse leaving. Please give some advice on what to expect? If you guys have had any positive experiences? Or just anything uplifting. Sorry for such a long post.