Welp... it’s done

I’m flying back out to see my soon to be ex husband and to clean our apartment. It’s on a military base. My name is on the lease. If it’s not clean I get fucked because he was on deployment when I moved it there and his name isn’t on the lease. By the time he has to PCS it won’t be clean if I don’t attempt to help and get the rest of my shit shipped home. I want to but at the same time I don’t want him there. i feel like it’ll either be really good or really bad.... There’s so much drama and hurt because of him. But there’s also still a lot of love. I’m nervous to be alone around him because we’re very fucking good together if you know what I mean. I’ve told him I don’t want that to happen. But In that moment things tend to happen out of passion and then end up regretting it later.(I’ve never regretted it) but I don’t want him to. If it does happen. Just here to rant really.