That Feeling

I hate that feeling like your just failing as a wife and parent.

Honestly, I’ve spent the last week dealing with on child in the hospital and recovering from surgery. He didn’t do so great in recovery either. And the other fighting a condition we just got diagnosed last night. My pediatrician called us on Easter Sunday night just to check on my son. I’m grateful. But I’m so worn.

I’m due in 4 weeks with a baby. I don’t know if it was the toll of the week, the baby, the fact that I’ve had no sleep for nearly a week, but my husband was getting ready for work this morning and found me asleep on the couch. Both kids running about. He never made it to work. (He’s the boss. Not a huge deal. But still.)

I’m hurting with this baby. I swear I’m just waiting for my water to break in the middle of the night.

I went to bed. I barely waddled back to our room. He’s had the kids (on spring break) all He’s currently cooking dinner. When I woke, I went from the bed to the chair. I have a raging headache. And just feel completely exhausted and wrung.

My oldest kid has played video games all day. My youngest is still in last nights pjs. I don’t even have the energy to grill the stupid chicken for dinner. My husband had missed work. Pulled his share plus mine. Now, we are a team. And there have been many nights this week that I’ve dealt with kids while he slept.

My house looks like a tornado went through. I want to nest. But I clean, and it doesn’t seem to matter.

My husband doesn’t complain. But I can tell he’s a little flustered.

My hormones are raging. I’m a type A, keep it together, organize everything is stuck against how low this child is and how exhausted I am. I feel like a failure. My 5 year old just had a meltdown. He’s tired too after a rough week that included the doctor, hospital labs, and Easter egg hunt.

I just hate the feeling of failing. We are all just doing the best we can right now.