How can I get antidepressants without parents knowing?

So I live with my mom and when telling her about I feel never goes the right way because she always blame herself and then turns around and tell me I’m not depressed... like my parents never listen to me especially my dad and at some points I feel alone.. I’ve been so stressed with school and work and trying to keep my grades up it just been so overwhelming... there were several times where I was close to taking my own life and I just can’t tell my mom about it because she would never understand and she would be like “I was your age at one point and I went to high school” like girl times obviously fucking changed so I just battle this out by myself and my bf as well helps me I’ve been smoking weed and eating edibles to calm myself and take stress off and the loneliness I’ve been feeling. But I’m tired of smoking to take the pain off like something that’s legal and something I can just take on a occasion.