I hate my body

I've been through ups and downs with my body having an eating disorder for almost 7 years now. Technically im in recovery but I still have body image and eating issues. I know it's bad for me. It IS an addiction. I hate my current body. This is the biggest I've been. I always feel so bloated and feel I look so fat especially in pics of me. My bf says he loves my body and would love me at any size but I still hate my body. It just makes me triggered just to poke it. I pretty much only eat carbs so I feel its all catching up on me.

--Honest, am I fat?

I'm not trying to seek attention, I genuinely feel this way. Please no hate.

--Ps I hate comments like "oh but you're better now, at least you don't loom like you're dying, etc.".

--Like addiction, eating disorder behaviors are addictive and once you have one its never fully gone