Completely Overwhelmed

I am so stressed out all the time. My fiance and I are constantly fighting lately and my 9 month old is and has always been the fussiest baby I've ever seen. She seriously just screams constantly all day and nothing i do helps her. It's so hard to get her down for naps. I have adult ADHD and have not had my medication in so long because my insurance requires a $5000 deductible before covering anything and im also turning 26 this year so I'm about to not have insurance at all. I can never sleep. I toss and turn all night long and by 4 AM i just cant get back to sleep period. I can feel myself going so crazy all the time and I'm afraid that I don't have enough patience for my daughter and she will feel like i dont love her. I love her more than anything. I'm just so depressed and have so much anxiety all the time and I don't know what to do anymore. I tried to pull myself out of it today and I did my makeup and dressed the baby really cute for some mommy and me photos since mothers day is coming up. I looked at the pictures and deleted all of them. I've been so depressed that I didn't realize how fat ive gotten or how ratty my hair looks. I started crying when I saw those pictures. Then my baby started crying again and I just lost it. I yelled SHUT UP PLEASE FIR ONCE JUST SHUT UP and i left the room. I took a few breaths and went back and picked her up and fed her and put her down for a nap. I'm currently bawling my eyes out feeling like the worst mother. Feeling so sorry for my poor baby. Feeling like she is developing anxiety already because of the fighting and my depression. Feeling ugly and ashamed of myself. I don't know what to do anymore. I want everything to get better. I want my baby to feel how much I love and adore her. I want my hair to look nice and my heart to feel nice. I just feel so lost and so overwhelmed.