I’m 19 and a freshman in college. A few months ago, at the start of the school year, I was at a party with some friends, including a guy I liked. At one point we all got separated since it was super crowded, and the next thing I knew, a boy that I had never seen before in my life was fingering me without my consent. He had his arm wrapped around me and I couldn’t get away. I don’t know why I didn’t yell. No words came out. Somehow I managed to slip away after a minute or two, and I ran to the bathroom. I came out of the bathroom crying like ten minutes later, and ran into one of my friends—the guy I liked. He saw I was crying and he took me back to his room and gave me a sweatshirt and just hugged me. He didn’t make me tell him what happened, but he could tell it was something bad. Fast forward about a month. I haven’t thought too much about that night. I try to forget about it. Meanwhile, the guy that ended up taking care of me turned out to like me back and we begin to date.

Last week was our 5 month anniversary. We are incredibly happy. 2 months ago, we had sex for the first time. It was my first time. He had had sex twice before with a girl he was on and off with in high school. Anyway. The sex is amazing and he is the best guy. I trust him so much. Before we had sex I told him what happened at that party. He is completely understanding and supportive and amazing.

But here’s the thing. Sometimes I just randomly cry about the sexual assault. I don’t know why. It wasn’t THAT bad in the scheme of things. And I have an amazing loving boyfriend who would never do anything to hurt me. I can go weeks without thinking about what happened. And then for noreason at all I will remember it and start crying.

I realized it was becoming an issue when every time I got a little bit drunk, iwould end up crying in the bathroom to my (girl) best friends, and they would end up calling in my boyfriend to take me back to my or his room.

Basically the point of this post is asking what to do. I don’t want to annoy my boyfriend by crying about this all the time. I feel like I’m ruining his time when I do this. I don’t want to mess with his college experience simply because sometimes when I drink I end up crying about a stupid thing that happened six months ago. He always says it’s not big deal and he just wants to support me, but I still feel shitty and stupid about it.

Ugh

I don’t know what to do. Plz help :/