The pain of being the cheater

The reason I’m writing this is not because I’m seeking compassion because I totally am the bitch in this situation and am very aware of it.

So don’t feel sorry, I only ever started writing this because this is a topic nobody talks about.

Most certainly (and understandably) due to the fact that the cheater is seen as a piece-of-shit-person, nobody considers their feelings.

But I’m not a POS person. I made a mistake and won’t let it define me. I feel genuinely sorry and guilty but I refuse to let it be what makes me, me.

I cheated on the man who loved me the most of all my boyfriends. I won’t go into much detail but in the end what matters is that I wasn’t brave enough to break up with him before getting with the other guy. And we were caught on act. To make the situation worse, this guy was one of his friends

I know how much of a bitch, trash human I was.

This happened nearly two months ago and I’m still dealing with all the guilt and shame. I never thought it’d be like this.

My ex told pretty much everyone from our friend group. Just as I deserved.

I can’t even look at my male friends in the face for too long without thinking “is this coming off as flirting?”, “do I sound like a whore?”

Man my confidence went down-hill. I feel like shit and lonely. I lost my friends. And all because of me.

This post probably doesn’t even make much sense but I just wanted to let out a bit.