Having a hard time.

I just took my first dose of my second round of clomid after our missed miscarriage in December. I’m struggling to be optimistic. Last round I had a positive opk but negative wondfo on the same day. We tried for a few days. Then when I left for a trip I got a positive wondfo but we had no chance to try while I was away.

I got on these message boards for the first time in months and I see everyone comparing HCG levels and asking questions. Part of me wants to tell them all it doesn’t matter. My HCG rose to 80,000 with a dead baby because my body didn’t recognize it was over. It gave me false hope. It’s not reliable. I’m in such a negative headspace this month. I really wanted to be pregnant by now. In July I should be having my first baby, but I’m not.

Any advice on how to turn this around for when I do ovulate would be appreciated. I want to be going into this hopeful, not bitter. 😞