Depression

Its hitting me really hard right now with the things that are happening. I have no control of them. I sit with tears in my eyes constantly, I'm mad/sad with everything and everyone. I have no support system. I have to try to push it all down at work...and I'm not doing a great job of it. I'm afraid my job will be next to be rid of me. If my children didnt need me, I wouldn't be here. None of this is their fault. They just got a fucked up mom. Everyone says itll be ok, itll work itself out, or just push on. I've been doing that this whole time and I feel like I cant go anymore. Everything is gray, dead, even me. the only color and light are my kids. I dont want to steal their light. What do they see when they look at me. I just dont want to feel this way anymore.