Loss of my little Angel

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression disorder when I was about 14. Fast forward to 22 I was put on meds again for it then became pregnant and stopped meds. Me and my S/O were STOKED. I had honestly never been so happy and terrified at the same time but during my anatomy scan the doctors told me my baby didn't make it. This was the ONE appointment I told my husband not to come to because as far as we knew everything was fine. After that appointment I spent the next week crying. The pain I felt was unreal and it's only been a couple of weeks and I still can't wrap my head around it. I miss being pregnant. I want my baby and I want to make my husband feel better. I've never been this level of depressed and sad. Getting back to my daily routines are rough. There was certain things I'd do differently because of baby. Things I avoided. Things I was doing differently, and every morning I get up and do something I did when I was pregnant sends this ugly feeling in my gut and my chest and i just break down into tears. I'm scared to get pregnant again because I want THIS baby. This shit SUCKS. It's like a constant cloud of ugliness, and sadness has latched on to my back and I can't get rid of it.