Update! 5 weeks pp, suicide thoughts,and self harm

I've only once self harmed and it was small. Like a scratch as a kid. But now, I've hit myself in the face and head multiple times..hard..since 1 week pp. when I can't handle the pain. I've been having suicide thoughts for 6 months at least. I'm diagnosed PTSD from rape and abuse but 5 months ago we moved across country from where I grew up so I have no one to talk to any more. I dont know what to expect from this post. Nothing really. I just- I cant hold it in any more. I've reached out to my husband multiple occasions saying I have suicidal thoughts but.. we just sortve... put it on the back burner. I guess it doesnt matter. Sorry to get you down. Might delete this later. Idk what I'm expecting.

I do wanna add.. I've spoken to the doctor before and he didnt listen. I'm afraid to say anything now because I dont want there to be any question on taking my daughter from me.

Update: I talked to my husband and my doctor again. I started meds yesterday and I know it takes a while for them to be fully effective but I hugged my service dog for the first time since my daughter was born 6 weeks ago. I feel better already. Thank you for the support you guys gave...it pushed me to get the help I so desperately needed. 😌😌