Self love

I had a baby 4 months ago, he was born 7 week premature and in the NICU for a month. While I was pregnant I gained the most weight I had ever weighing over 200 pounds due to my preeclampsia making me retain tons of water. I hate my body. I hate the way I look, I feel disgusted when I wear crop tops or bathing suits or even have sex with my SO. I don’t even want to be seen naked by him. My question is, how do you learn to love yourself again after a baby? I hate myself. I’m disgusted with the way I look. I want to be skinny and love myself.