I need some advice.

I believe that I am in a very toxic, possibly emotionally abusive relationship.  I am a new mommy to a 3 month old little girl.  I have been with her father for about 3 years. We separated for about 8 months almost 2 years ago and have been working on getting back on track since then.  Some days are really good, some days are really bad.  But I find myself having to tip-toe around him a lot of the time.  I left him in the past because he has a very controlling nature and many trust issues. He didn’t like me having a gym membership, so I cancelled it.  He didn’t like me seeing my friends much, so I stopped.  I have done everything I could to make him happy.

We got back together and he swore things would be different (don’t they all?).  Well, ever since having my girl- my mindset has totally shifted.  I am the breadwinner in our household and our compromise for that was going to be that he would work from home and watch our daughter so that we did not have to pay for child care.  He has tried to have his mother come stay with us to help with the baby, but she is a drug addict and verbally assaulted me in our home in front of our daughter and his 7 year old son- so I told them she is not allowed in our home.  So, my younger sister has come to stay and help with the baby.  My fiancé and I fight constantly because he wants to bring his mom around more and I have to say no because she is not safe or stable. 

He has been so unappreciative of everything I do.  I work 40 hours a week, help with his son, take care of the baby, maintain the home – literally am the only person who does the dishes, laundry, make or go pick up dinner, and do whatever I can do to make his life easier. he never returns the favor. When we fight, he says awful things to me and makes it seem like I do not do anything to benefit his life.  He’s called me an asshole, heartless, judgmental, and he NEVER apologizes.  he accuses me of cheating or makes comments about it almost every day. I asked him the other day if one of these weekends, he could take care of the baby in the morning so I could sleep in and he said “maybe sometime” but he sleeps in EVERY weekend.  I can’t take it anymore.  I see these women in relationships and their partner is actually a PARTNER.  I don’t feel that way.  I feel like I am a paycheck to him (I make more money and he still tells me what to do with the money I make).

I am getting into therapy this coming week because I feel like I have no one.  I have lost my friends due to this man and he has made it very clear that he will not join counseling with me.  I want my daughter to be raised by a strong, healthy woman and I want her to see her mommy treated well by her daddy- but it’s just not happening right now.

Moms, am I overreacting?  Do I need to just get the courage to leave?  If so, how do I go about leaving and transitioning into being a single mama?

Thank you so much in advance.