Feeling low

Ugh.

What is wrong with me?

I can't make decisions, I can't distinguish what I want versus what I need and what's even real.

Is it jealousy? Am I not realizing what I already have? Or do I not like what I already have?

I just feel like I'm trapped, but I'm not. I'm free to do whatever I want, I don't have any physical chains on me. Yet my brain feels chained and buried.

I can't see clearly and I'm just sad and unsatisfied. Plus I have zero self confidence. Always pleasing others.

The other day I went to the bathroom to wash my hands and looked up.

I don't know the last time I looked up. There was my reflection on the mirror. I looked in my eyes and didn't know who I was for a second, then I found myself in there and almost cried.

I stared in my eyes for a few minutes and thought about the little girl I was and all my dreams. Why am I not letting her be happy?

😔

Don't know what to do.