Ok can ppl not hit me with the fitness shit rn bc I just want to be understood and heard. Here goes nothing: I had a terrible childhood. I've always been depressed and when I got 13 I started binge eating but at 9 I was already yo yo dieting bc as a black woman family members for some reason start to tell LITTLE GIRLS they better not gain weight bc then they won't be so pretty. I'm 23 now and at 22 was the first time I ever became consistent at a gym. And I started to feel happy I lost 20 pounds then became 160. But bc I'm 5 ft that's still over weight. All my life I've wanted to be 120-125 but it gets discouraging bc I'll lose a tiny bit of weight then it'll stop or I'll just be losing inches or slimming down as opposed to weight. I do not think I'm Pretty til I slim down. I'm just tired of feeling this way. And I do have to lose weight bc I had high cholesterol. So I also have to lose weight due to genetics and health issues. It seems so hard. And discouraging. I was doing the keto diet that did help me break my sugar addiction. Then I started the blood type diet and basically it says I have to be a pescatarian or vegetarian or vegan to lose weight. It's also discouraging bc I read an article that said black womens genes are different than other races of women specifically white women. Bc we have to work out three times as hard and eat very clean. It's all so discouraging. I have an amazing bf who I believe genuinely thinks I'm beautiful and that's great and all but I really don't see it. I can't even look in the mirror. I hate looking in the mirror even as a teenager at 140 I'd hide from the mirror. Like just look away when I'm about to shower. I just feel sad. I was anorexic I was bulimic I binge ate and now I'm trying to do everything right as possible and that doesn't even seem to be enough