why am i not like others?

i don’t know if this is a stretch, i mean it probably is, but i’ve been questioning myself a lot lately, and it isn’t going very well.

i’m 14, and it’s pretty typical for 14 year old girls to, i dunno, get with guys or get with girls, or when some hot person comes along or is in a movie girls go wild, right?

it’s kinda weird, but if i look at anyone, i don’t feel anything. i’ve had a few boys come up and say they like me, but i felt nothing. i just went out of my way and pretended to like them for a little bit before things got a little weirder, or just tell them “i’m in a confusing place rn, i’m sorry” and i just feel like a complete asshole either way. that’s when i thought “okay, maybe i like girls?”. nope. no one.

i’ve heard the term asexual before. i don’t want to go assuming myself since i’m still real young. but even if i was asexual, the thought of me being asexual makes me feel dumb and out of place. it’s like i just want to like guys, but i can’t seem to.

i believe since i’m still young, i’ll get to liking people later. but as for now, i’m stuck.

i want to be like others, i want to fit in. i don’t know what’s happening to myself, because i’ve been like this ever since i could remember. it’s lead me to feeling depressed a lot, and always uncomfortable. i just feel out of place, but i still don’t know where i belong.