i can’t find myself

i had/have childhood depression and anxiety.

i’m finally overcoming it, bit by bit, and i have no idea who i am.

i know who i am now, and i don’t know if i want to change.

i am the loud, energetic, cheerful friend, who compliments people and is the ‘hype man’ all the time, the one who is a spitfire and is funny and confident and can make friends quickly. (i’m very extroverted)

but i want to be nice, but not naive

i want to be water with the ability to both carry and sink ships

i want to be someone else, but stay completely the same. i used to be a doormat, walked all over and afraid to stand up. and now that i have stood up i haven’t ever felt better. I’m not someone people walk over and ignore anymore, because i didn’t let them make me an option. but really, who am i anymore? i don’t recognize myself from even just a year ago to now.