Dating for over a year, but no sex


Hi all, I’m in need of some advice. Here’s the back story, I’ll try to make it as short as possible. Sorry if I ramble.

He’s 29, I’m 25. We’ve been dating for over a year, have been living together for 6 months.

I’m in love with him, and want to spend my life with him, and he feels the same towards me. Here’s where the issue is. We both have body issues. He’s lost 180lbs. Due to losing so much, he’s had surgery to remove the extra skin. This was last August (2018), and he had said beforehand that the reason he hasn’t perused sex before that was because he’s insecure. He had had sex one time previously, only about half a year before that. (So around January 2018.) he said it was only a few minutes and he stopped because he was uncomfortable.

Flash forward to December, and we do finally try. We were both drunk, but in the middle of it I had to get up and go throw up because I had a little too much to drink. (Oops.)

Now it’s June, and we haven’t even tried since. Last weekend he randomly asked how my sex life is, and I said “non -existent.” So he said we’d try this weekend. It’s now Monday, and nothing happened. I was feeling down about it and insecure, so I randomly asked him if he thought I was cute. I know he does, but it’s gotten to the point that I’m telling myself that it’s me and I’m the problem, and even though I know logically that’s not the case, I can’t help but tell myself that.

For myself, I’ve had sex with others, but most of them were randoms, and one time drunken hookups. I honestly don’t think I’ve had sex sober in a good 5 years. I don’t really drink anymore, but that’s where part of my insecurity comes from. I was raped (sober) as a teenager, and another time (drunk) about 4 years ago, and I feel like I suck at intimacy and initiating. I also weigh 200lbs so I have some body image issues too. I’ve been feeling really beautiful the last week, but after this weekend I’m talking down to myself and feeling shitty.

UGH, anyway, I apologize for the novel. I love this man and want to jump his bones, because he’s hot and wonderful. He sent me this text about an hour ago, and I don’t know how to respond or what to do. I know logically that he thinks I’m pretty or whatever, but I’m feeling unworthy inside.