I hate being on wic. I do. We work hard. But my youngest needs specialized formula. It’s expensive. Like one of our whole checks a month.

We hide it. Our tiny little town is so small, but we also qualify for SNAP. We could get maybe $123 a month to help with groceries. Which in turn would free up some money for diapers.

Today I drove to the wic office to turn in a form from our pediatrician. They told me SNAP could have covered some extra formula I needed when they were closed. I told them I didn’t have Snap. My husband won’t let me apply.

He hates getting a hand out. I hate it too. I’m embarrassed. I have a bachelors degree. He has a masters. He works for a nonprofit. And I stay at home. To put our kids in childcare would

Cost more than I’d make. Not to mention in

Small town West Virginia, there aren’t a lot of great daycares. I was a free lance curriculum writer, but when we moved a couple of years

Ago, that dried up. But the truth is, the 13 year old car we have needs like a grand in repairs. The electrical went out on me twice on the drive to the wic office on a mountain . And I’m trying to get us to the place we can buy a better used car.

I came home and told him even for a little while $100 a month in groceries could help us feed the kids and maybe fix the car so I don’t break down with my newborn.

He got really angry. He said he works hard. And he does. And he can’t justify taking another handout. He swallows his pride for the kids and wic. And there hard enough. Well, this would be for the kids too. It would be some more fruit. It would be some more veggies. It would be a safer car eventually. We live in the mountains, I was actually scared the car was gonna fail on the downhill grade. I never even made it to the store for formula.

Honestly, I don’t want people to know we get government help. But we pay taxes. I’m a good

Mom. He’s a good dad. He works super hard. But we make less than $3000 a month. And that’s before taxes!

My own parents who have never taken a dime and have always worked said they paid into the system their whole lives, their grandbabies could get a little bit of the benefit to help us.

I’m not looking to go to Disney or vacation...I mean the pants I’m wearing I’ve had for years. And I wear stuff with holes. I have boys so they wear each other’s hand me downs. We buy nothing name brand. And I have to tell my kids no a lot. So it’s not like I’m looking to take my 13 year old used van and go to the beach. I’ve actually got a lot of mom guilt because my kids aren’t doing anything fun or exciting this summer. And we haven’t for many summers.

I thought about just applying without him knowing. But I can’t bring myself to lie to him. That’s not how our marriage works. But I’m just a few weeks postpartum from an extremely difficult pregnancy and csection. And I feel

Tired and like crying. I’m kinda angry with him. My pride is hurt every time I go to the wic office and they make me feel like crap for being there. (One lady who works there just isn’t kind. It’s like she thinks I’m trash for needing help.)

I don’t want to be a moocher off the government either. But it’s not forever. And it would help in the crunch right now. If I could swallow my pride. I wish he could too. After all he says he can for the kids...this would be for our kids. I just wish I could convince him it’s not a reflection on him. He’s still a good daddy. He’s still a good husband. He’s still a good worker and provider.

BTW: all this stress about wic and the car going out again and money. And he comes in smelling like food. He goes and grabs fast food constantly. Which adds up after a while and he goes and picks up himself breakfast and doesn’t even bother to ask if I’d like something after up feeding the baby all night and going to the wic office first thing and being alone all day recovering from surgery with the kids. Because he knows I’d probably tell him to eat at home. 💸💸💸💸 I can see the credit card, honey. I know you’ve gone out for breakfast two mornings in a row. And he does it all the time. 😑😑😑 Plus it’s not healthy and his doctors has been on him about eating so much junk and soda.