17 months.

1 miscarriage.

3 chemicals.

Hundreds of negative tests.

Countless tears.

Today has hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm a doula, so I get to empower women through their pregnancy and birth journey and it's the most amazing and rewarding job! The birth of a baby. The birth of a mother. The birth of a new family. It's all so heartwarming.

But I haven't been to a birth all month, so I've spent a lot of time thinking about my own family.

I'm married to the love of my life. He's so sweet and selfless and caring and I am so very blessed to have him. We have 2 beautiful boys. They're so funny and full of life! But here I am. Feeling like I need one more baby to complete our family. And we've tried for that baby month after month after month with nothing to show.

Today my heart completely broke. It hit me that after both being tested and getting our results, we'll probably never have another baby. So I cried. I cried SO hard for SUCH a long time. And now I can finally start the process of rebuilding myself. I can heal and I can focus.

I'm so thankful for that cry and I just wanted to remind you all that it's okay to let it all out💙