Inappropriate or not? Autism

Question

My mom would occasionally babysit for my aunts son. From a young age my mom and I have suspected her son is autistic but haven’t brought it up to my aunt. My mom and I work with special needs children. When her son was 4 years old my mom did have a conversation with my aunt about bringing him to the doctors to be assessed for autism. My aunt was pissed and yelled at my mom for thinking that and they didn’t talk for about a year. Since that time her son was diagnosed with low functioning autism. So my question is was it inappropriate for my mom to bring up her concerns that she believes the child is autistic or is this something you don’t say and let the parents find out in their own time?
I should also say neither me or my mom are medically qualified to give a diagnose.

Accepted Answer

It is definitely something you should bring up - but it is hard for a mother to hear - thus the argument. 
My daughter has recently been diagnosed with a genetic condition that affects her speech and motor development. I kept getting told from friends and family 'she's just doing things in her own time!'
'My friends child didn't walk/until they were three' etc
It made me feel crazy - like I was imagining all these symptoms. 
I wish someone had agreed with me. Although - if I hadn't realised and someone had told me, I guess I too would have been defensive like your aunt. Hopefully she and your mum can let it go and move on

Answer

I think your mom did the right thing. She didn’t diagnose him, just suggested he be evaluated. I know it’s hard for a mother to hear, but it needed to be said.

Answer

Definitely not inappropriate in my opinion. You guys have the knowledge and know about it so it is normal that you would say something to the mother. She probably acted the way she did because she kinda knew herself and your mom telling her just confirmed it. Don't feel bad about it. Neither should your mom.

Answer

In this case, I don’t think it was inappropriate. It’s family, and your mom had a hand in helping watch the child, so she knew him well. Working with special needs children she would know signs than someone who doesn’t. I doubt your mom brought it up in a snide way also.

Answer

In your case, I think it's appropriate. She works with special needs so it something she had experience with. I've been getting irritated recently bc I've had people tell me my son might be autistic & its making me paranoid. He's starting speech therapy soon, but the doctors think it unlikely he's autistic.

Answer

Was it supposed to just go ignored? No. She did the right thing and she was right.

Answer

My son is Autistic.. I had my suspicions and when I was told I tried to tell myself "I had already accepted this", blah blah blah. But it hurts... it still hurts. It's hard as a mother to feel like I did this to my child, to blame myself and feel like my son's life is going to be less than stellar. My son is so smart (cunningly smart 😒, lol), but I'm scared that he's going to be lonely and depressed. I found out a month ago and have been crying myself to sleep probably twice a week since being told. I love my son so much. He is my baby. And I blame myself entirely for his diagnosis. 
So honestly, I could see myself reacting like your aunt. It's so hard to hear the truth when it is viewed as a figurative death sentence. Especially if we hear it from someone we love and trust. In my opinion it wasn't inappropriate because the earlier the intervention the better the results. Now if it had been a stranger's child or acquaintance, then yeah maybe inappropriate lol.

Answer

I think it was absolutely appropriate. I know most moms don’t want to think that their child is different. But with autism early intervention is so important.

Answer

I think it’s all based on your relationship with the mom . And how openly you can discuss these things . 
My best friend ( since we were 4 ) and i got pregnant and had our boys a month apart , we noticed Nathan ( my guy ) was crawling first , talking first and was more open to playing with toys , where as her guy struggled with all of these and would prefer to sort his toys and line them up , we looked into it and called together for his appointment . He’s boarder line on the spectrum .
She actually handled it way better than I ever expected . Actually way better than me , I found myself feeling bad when we’d take them to the park and some little kid would come up and take his toy resulting in him melting down . A mom said “ there must be something wrong with that ones head “ and I almost took the girl out in front of everyone . 
The boys will be 8 this summer and they’re both doing great .

Answer

I don’t think it was inappropriate of ur mom. Ur aunt’s reaction is not totally abnormal though- its hard to hear or accept that ur child may not be typically developing. Its a delicate situation with so many emotions involved.

Inappropriate or not? Autism

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