How to uncatch feelings? Pt. 2 [R]

I brought up my last relationship because while i take full responsibility for my actions, if i disect my mindset from a psychological perspective, I think it was a result of sort of being lost after being so involved with another person- even if it wasn't in the best of ways- for almost three years. I didn't talk to my friends at all outside of school and it was just he and i for an absurd amount of time every day (I had him for two classes and we'd get off at 3 and id leave his house at 11). That relationship was toxic towards the end(and probably longer than that), my ex struggled with mental and emotional disorders, but he was also manipulative and controlling. I know he loved me, but he always somehow made the issues my fault. He made me his only source of happiness, and I couldn't take it anymore and ended things before I started to hate him. I still feel guilty, but I guess not guilty enough to wait to move on emotionally. There's more details to provide (because I don't see either of us as the bad guy in that situation) but I'm sure you guys can see that im a talker and are getting tired. If y'all want, I can make an edit to clarify + add details.

When my old friend group got back together, and the problems in my relationship began to overtake me, I found myself really seeking solace in this guy. He's a listener, and he would just let me type. It was like a cliché Christmas movie where our orchestra department hosted a party and when he came i was pleasantly surprised(he's not exactly the type to just go to parties- from what I've experienced anyways). My voice had been lost after I got a nasty cold + singing for a competition, and so whenever I spoke it cracked like three times a sentence, but i didn't let it bother me(because I made jokes about it before anyone else could) and he didn't laugh at me. It was just.. wow. I didn't really feel as strongly for him as i do now or even when he and I talked about what we felt all those months later. After the party, we really connected over the winter break and talked nearly every day for two weeks, and that was when i decided that I was going to end the relationship for good. He opened up to me a little bit about his interests and stuff that had happened in his life. I'm pretty sure that's when i started feeling close to him. And after I broke up with my ex when school started again (a few weeks after returning), that was when i really found myself openly flirting with him more and just in general being really happy to hear from him.

So that's the past context.

But here's the thing. Because we've talked about it a couple times, I kinda feel like.. maybe all along that he and I just felt sexual attraction towards one another and it was just me falling back on my old feelings from MS. It seems ridiculous to me. I shouldn't really feel that much. After the winter break we talked less on deep subjects- if that's due to school starting back up or what, I don't know. And to be completely fair, we've texted this entire time. (Anytime I say talk here, i mean text and here's why:) when we hang out its with our friend group. He and I have never had one on one time together. I tried to invite him to take photos with me at the local nature reserve for a school project, but my living situation fucked that up for me completely(hence "adjusting to household changes"). I feel like he definitely would have gone with me if I would have provided transportation (I didn't want to ask him to drive me bc then I felt like maybe he would have thought I just wanted him to go so I'd have a ride). I haven't had an excuse since then to try and hang out with him alone- and even then i have no way of getting there or paying for anything or what.

maybe at this point i shouldn't. Its unrealistic to think we could make it work- after all I'm going to college 3hrs away and he's staying to take a year off. I might not even be ready for another relationship after my last one, so why am i trying?

I just hate how this has me twisted in knots.

Y'all wanna know the kicker? When we talked about it he said that he knows for a fact he's sexually attracted to me, (and I agreed that I was too), but he was unsure romantically. He said probably not. Maybe he's just as confused as I am?

Probably not.

Probably wishful thinking.

But anyway, that's my story in a part or two (or three as I'm checking the length). I appreciate Y'all reading this far if you have, I know it was long and rambly.

Y'all vicious on here, so do your worst- I'd appreciate advice though if you can provide it, because honestly, I don't want to feel anything but friendship towards him if it's gonna hurt me. (It would only be me hurting me tho)

Or maybe.. I should just see where things go? Lmk what you think.

Edit#1: I reposted this bc A, I wrote a helluva lot and no one responded, and B when I initially posted, I posted it at like 4am.