So my husband and I are in our mid 20s and have 2 children. Both under 3 years old.

We also have a dog as well. So you can imagine we are pretty busy and stretched a little thin. We’re still in the adjustment period of going from 1-2 children.

Our second child has been a handful to say the least. She will nurse every hour sometimes less. She cries very loudly and gets worse if you don’t get to her right away. I mean you have 2 seconds or else. That’s draining for me because I’m the one that tends to her needs 24/7 as she refuses to take a paci or a bottle. We’ve tried everything to get her to take to one of these but no luck. My husband also gets super stressed really fast if he’s caring for her even if I’m in the next room. He also repeatedly says “this is what you wanted.” Which makes me feel so bad for wanting a second child. When we TTC her, he was in full agreement. There was no hesitation on his part. I didn’t even have to beg. But yet now he claims he didn’t want a second child. Because she’s difficult. So I always shoot back with you could have said no or just pulled out.

It makes me feel so bad that I’ve brought this on him if he can’t handle it. I try and do as much as the care for her as I can but come 8 pm I am totally exhausted and if she isn’t down for the night by then I ask him to rock her in the rocking chair and it puts her to sleep so he just has to lay her in her bassinet afterwards. He hates that. But has only done it twice in 10 weeks.

Another thing is he “needs” sex. Maybe I don’t understand where he’s coming from because my self care and sleep are necessities for me but not sex. So I don’t take it seriously I guess and I just tell him no I’m too tired or I’ve had an infant on me and a toddler and dog all day that I just need some breathing room. He doesn’t understand. I even tell him to watch porn or use his toys but he says he doesn’t want those and will just wait until I’m ready but then he keeps saying “sex tonight?” Or “can you give me head?” And I tell him that I’m not committing to it because idk how I’ll feel by bedtime when the kids are down. He gets mad. I’m telling the truth and I don’t want to say yes only to not follow through. I’ve done this plenty before and I felt bad. But I can’t muster up the energy to pleasure my husband after everything is said and done for the day. What do I do here? How do we get out of this rut? I ask him to be patient and lend a helping hand when he can but it doesn’t help much because my daughter is what’s draining me. I don’t mind because she’s young and needs me I get it. I know how newborns are. He’s just the one that forgot. I want us to just be happy but idk what to do anymore or if I’m being unreasonable or wrong?

And I know some people will say put your marriage first but how can I if our kids won’t be getting taken care of? Obviously I cant leave a 10 week old to put herself down. My toddler can but we still have to put him in his room and say good night it’s part of his routine. If I put him first above them then they’re getting left out because he doesn’t reciprocate. It’s like he wants me to take care of everyone else and him and then I suffer. I don’t get taken care of. I’m drained and in a bad spot and then I can’t take care of them because then I’ll be exhausted or irritable. In my opinion, with kids this young their needs come first until they can do for themselves.