How to help my partner who is struggling?

Question

My boyfriend of 4 months is going through an extremely hard time. 
He is a struggling musician and recently I found out that he has been feeling exhausted and lost about everything! 
Some context, he is still enrolled in uni but has taken a year off to pursue music! 
His parents don’t support his decision and help him out financially just enough for him to cover his rent. 
He plays on the street and a couple of events almost everyday for 6-7 hours, so he does get some cash.
He has been feeling anxious and distressed about not living up to his expectations of succeeding as a musician and thus proving his parents right! 
Also he feels stressed out about money and doesn’t know how to get around that.
I tried speaking to him about getting a part time job, but didn’t really push on it because I wasn’t sure if he’d like what I have to say and make him feel worse. Hence, pushing him over the edge. 
I have been trying to make it easier for him but cooking him meals and helping out with what I can, but it doesn’t seem to be helping because we keep fighting over small issues as any small thing frustrates and irritates him.
Obviously I want to help him in anyway I can but I’m not so sure how? 
Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated!

Answer

I'm sorry for his struggles and the stress they are putting on you you may have to slightly suggest he adult while making his dreams come true

Answer

It sounds like you are walking the tightrope between being supportive, and being an enabler. It's one thing to pursue a professional career in music, but dropping out of school to play on the streets isn't going to help in the long run. You can be loving and kind, but still hold him accountable for his own life. Don't bail him out financially, and make sure he is sharing equal household tasks.

Answer

His parents are right. 
He should finish school so he has a backup plan, then get a part time job while he pursues music. 
His stress is ENTIRELY his own making. He needs to grow up.

Answer

Babying someone doesn't make them grow up. His parents need to stop paying his rent so reality kicks in and he gets a real job.

Answer

My husband was like this when we first met but still had a part time job. When we moved in together we had to have a serious talk about goals and dreams. He understood that dreams don’t always pay the bills and got a full time job. He did pursued music on the side. Several years later we are married with a sweet little girl and our son on the way. He’s moved into a tech career and is still pursuing music on the side. He’s done well with it but not to the point where it brings in significant income. His career however has made sure our family never goes without and he won’t jeopardize the ability to take care of our family for anything. My point being, theres nothing wrong with following your dreams but you have to be realistic about the expectation. He doesn’t have to financially struggle while pursuing music. You can help him come to see that in a way he doesn’t feel attacked or unsupported. He needs to take care of himself and be the best/healthiest version of himself. He’ll be happier for it and you will too

Answer

He needs to get a job and pick up legitimate music gigs rather than playing on the street. He is approaching this immaturely rather than like an adult. You can support and encourage him but don’t enable him. You shouldn’t be worried you’ll push him over the edge by saying “get a job.” He could relive stress by gaining employment, standing on his own two feet and pursuing music.

Answer

Honestly.. his parents ARE right.. the sooner he admits that and gets his head back on straight the sooner.
Personally, I wouldn't help beyond just being a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. 
At 4 months in any "help" beyond that is just going to become enabling and this is seriously how women get stuck with dead beat partners.. 
If I were in your shoes I'd probably be pumping the brakes pretty quickly.  It's only been 4 months and he's already taking the frustration from his own bad choices out on you. Those sorts of things only get worse the more comfortable people get with each other and the longer they are together.  I'd be slowing things way down and REALLY assessing whether or not this was the type of relationship I wanted to get wrapped up in..
Good luck.

Answer

I would tell him that he shouldn’t feel like a failure and that he working hard and trying his best. Talk to him about a timeline that sometimes life wins and we play our cards and work hard but at a certain point, we have to find a way to make a living. Tell him that very few people make it big in his line of work and its also about being discovered. He may be very talented but at some point he has to face that he can’t survive on it. He could possibly consider being a music teacher?  
 
I had to decide to give up running professionally... hardest thing i had to do but i knew I wouldn’t make it to a level I could live on. I wanted to go into a career I could support myself and family no matter what. I worked hard in college and grad school so I have my degrees. You don’t realize how important this is until older. Thank goodness my mom had her degrees to support us after my dad up and left. You never know what life will throw at you.
Also don’t support and enable him financially and also with house work. He doesnt need a pity party and hope he doesn’t take it out on you. He needs to find a healthy way to let it out. I took advantage of all my extra free time after giving up running professionally. I studied abroad in college and tried different clubs. He could join different music clubs at collete

Answer

How to get around the stress of money is by working. Pretty simple really. Every choice has its consequences, bad or good. If things don't improve... Change.

Answer

Its perfectly fine for him to follow his dream but he still needs a part time job just to help pay the bills and buy food to keep him healthy and to buy clothes for his look. If he doesn’t understand this he will never be taken seriously.

How to help my partner who is struggling?

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