Not About Me

I did it. I bought the most flatter bathing suit I could find. And 6 weeks postpartum, I got in the pool on vacation with one of my kids.

And I felt like he was having a blast.

Until someone took some pictures.

I’ve never hated ever inch of this body as much as I do right now. I’ve always been fat. But I’m really fat, really pale, my hair is frustrating because the salon cut it too short, and I forgot a decent looking hat at home. Trips to target and Walmart proved fruitless. Had to borrow one from one of the boys. Let me tell ya, it’s not so cute on me.

I see every fat roll. I how round my face is. My legs at white and fat. And this belly...Well, it’s not the biggest it’s been pregnant, but I couldn’t have looked any worse.

I’m struggling. Sex is hard to find time for. The baby screams all the time with colic. And my kids are tired and temperamental. I’m also on this trip alone. My husband had business to deal with. He’s gone. So I’m doing this trip to visit family alone. First time with 3.

And my esteem is shot. Like a beached whale looks better on the beach than I do in that swim suit. Or shorts. Or anything that isn’t head to toe black...and the suit is black.😑

But my oldest just got home from a camp thing. And he wants to swim with me. We don’t have access to a pool at home.

So my fat ass and I are going to fight this embarrassing overweight postpartum tired body.

I hope they remember momma swam with me. Not my mom was the most unattractive at the pool.