At 4am yesterday at 38+3 weeks I had contractions start. They weren’t super bad but my body gave me the signal of “its go time” . Around 10am they got super close together and painful. Like 4mins and 30 seconds apart lasting 45 seconds. Ouch. Okay body. Still didn’t want to go in. Still could “breathe through them”. 2pm hits and they’re 3 mins and 30 seconds apart lasting 1 min and 20 seconds- I can’t breathe through them and I feel like I’m going to puke. I called my husband and told him it’s go time.

We arrive to L& D around 2;45pm due to traffic around Atlanta. I’m a person who is composed in pain but I can’t sit down through the contractions anymore but I grit my teeth and stand in a corner of the waiting area for a nurse. We wait for 3 hours out there. Everyone else comes in (some serious cases go first-obv.) but contraction people go back first too because they’re being louder and showing their pain more. I look at my husband and say “I don’t know how to breathe through anymore. I need my inhaler.” He grabs it out of my purse and rubs my back. Looking HELPESS. Finally I have to pee so I walk back by the desk and the desk person looks at me and says “OH MY GOD ARE YOU OKAY?” My face must have turned colors from the asthma attack. I wave her off because I can’t talk at this point and I HAVE to pee.

I must’ve scared someone because by the time I was crawling/walking back to my seat the nurses took me back. The charge nurse looked at me in triage and said “uh-uh how far apart are those contractions” my husband pulls out his phone and says “2 mins. 15 seconds.” She swings her hand and points to the labor ward. I’m still not saying anything, not throwing a “fit” just slowly walking and hissing through my teeth when they hit. I get in a L&D room. I’m still not breathing through them well and my husband keeps my inhaler nearby.

I get checked . After completely being closed before I’m at a 1. Dear lord at this point I’ve been having contractions for 12 hours. This point I want to cry. How long will this ACTUALLY take ? They tell me to walk around for 45 mins, rest for 15, then walk around for 45 more mins. At this point my contractions are “half” on the intensity scale according to the nurse . Alright let’s do this. We do everything the nurse says . At the end of the second 45 mins... my contractions are topping out on their scale . A nurse runs in. “You okay darling?”

“Hell no”

I’m doubled over now . My husband looks like a ghost . It’s around 9pm now. I’ve been a bad ass bitch for over 17 hours. I’m so tired. They want to check me , I don’t want to sit down. My husband finally talks me into it because at this point I want everyone to shut up and not touch me. I’m 1.5 now. The nurse looks super confused “your contractions aren’t even a min apart now but the baby is tolerating it well. I’m going to call your OBGYN and see what she says to do.”

My brain goes - if someone doesn’t give me pain meds I will kill something . The nurse comes back with paperwork. I’m holding onto a chair and not getting a break anymore . I keep having random nurses run in because apparently my contractions are showing them I’m ready to push. Wait excuse me ? No pushing yet I’m not dilated enough and for the love of god I need pain medicine.

My nurse with the paperwork looks at me like she doesn’t know what to say . “Your OBGYN didn’t answer but the on call OBGYN for the hospital said to send you home since you didn’t go up an entire cm in two hours.” Every nurse that had ran in to make sure I wasn’t crowning turns and looks at her like they could kill her. My husband says “I’m suppose to take her home LIKE THIS?!” I can’t hear them. I’ve blocked all of them out. They want me to go to my doctor in the AM to see what cervical changes I’ve had. Apparently the hospital has strict rules against helping women along in labor before 39 weeks.

They gave me a sleeping pill to take so I could actually sleep at home. It’s now 8:32 am here. I’ve been doing this for over 28 hours now. I slept maybe 15 mins. I’m headed to the doctor now. Contractions are around 2 mins apart and lasting over a min. I can’t handle this . Like I’m at my breaking point and I don’t know what to do.