Losing your child is the worst pain in the world, you literally feel empty inside😢

the very first time I got pregnant was in 2017 my husband and i did not planned it but yet were very excited shortly at 8 weeks I miscarried we were so devastated and then decided to try again January 2018 got pregnant on our first try we were so great full and happy shortly again I miscarried at 4 weeks February 15 the day after we announced to friends and family ( doctors believed I had twins bcuz my HCG levels were so high for only 4 weeks) we were so upset could not understand why we couldn’t have kids. Bleed for a week after miscarriage then in April 2018 took a pregnancy test and positive made an appointment and said confirm you are 6 weeks due date December 1 2018 I was extremely happy but nervous, scared all types of emotion. We decided to keep it to our selfs till my first trimester was over. Finally it was we announce and I felt great couldn’t be happier🥰 then it was time for our anatomy scan at 20 weeks the doctor comes in the room and says she wants to refer me with a specialist because it seems that i have a 2 vessel umbilical cord instead of the normal 3. She said don’t worry you will be fine the baby looks great. Did blood work to check for syndromes and everything came back clear. A month later I go see the specialist and she says “ your baby has a big hole in the lower 2 chambers of her heart she will need surgery right after she is born” she said we are referí get your case to the Texas children’s hospital. I literally started to cry and cry my mom was out of town and husband at a work trip I felt so useless so scared. She did ask me how my syndrome test come back to be I said everything clear she then said that’s strange because we normally see children with hearts like these if they have a syndrome. It took me 2 and a half months to go in to the Texas children. The day I finally went they did an ultrasound that lasted almost 2 hrs then they told me the worst news of my life. Something no parent should ever have to hear. “ your child has full TRISOMY 18 she is INCOMPATIBLE WITH LIFE AND SHE WILL DIE DURING BIRTH OR SHORTLY After” my whole world collapsed I could not believe why us? Why did they not catch this before? I was angry with god with life I wanted to die if my baby was not going g to be here😢 on November 14 2018 my baby girl was born via c section of course early because I had preeclampsia she never left the NICU and December 23 2018 she passed away and I kissed my baby goodbye forever. I am so scared to try again but and everyone says you guys are so young and heathy yet I get go through this again! I’m so scared. I fought so hard for her I do thank god for the time he allowed me to have my baby❤️ and on December 31 we laid her to rest.she was no longer suffering no more machines she is now an angel that watches over mommy and daddy! I miss you so much JIMENA everyday of my life