Walking away from a marriage & starting over?

Hey ladies- this is a very tough subject for me to discuss but I’m at a loss and I’m honestly hoping for some advice.

I got pregnant at a young age & then my child’s father got incarcerated. I moved out of state to start fresh, where I met my (now) husband. He has been in my child’s life since he was a little over a year old & we met when his child was a newborn.

We’ve now been together about 9.5 years, married 7 years. We have 2 other children together, a house we rent, both have good jobs and car payments. We have a photographic pleasant life, however our marriage has struggled for some time now.. years.

My husband has anger problems and gets frustrated VERY easily. He’s squeezed our children’s arms in rage and left bruises. He’s gone to counseling numerous times, came back better but only for a short amount of time before things going back to how they were. He’s thrown something at one of our children, cutting his forehead, has smashed his electronics.

He is a great provider, he works hard but comes home from work and the children seem as a chore to him. He walks in and doesn’t want to be bothered. When we had our last child, we had agreed that I would work part time and have “Mother’s hours” to take our children to and from school and be the one to cook and clean, be there for appts and when the children are sick. My check goes to groceries, gas and daycare. He is the provider for our rent & bills.

We are at a point in our relationship where it’s difficult being intimate, we fight constantly, his anger isn’t changing and that “feeling” is dwindling. As my oldest gets older, they butt heads SO much because my child is protective of me when my husband is yelling. Also- it makes it difficult because we are opposites. I love to do family outings, head to the beach, aquarium, camping trips, etc but on the other hand, he hates being outdoors and doesn’t enjoy the same things. I tend to do family outings with my mother and the kids.

I feel terrible for saying this but almost 2 months ago, I had started talking to a family friend and things got intimate. He has been a dream and has so many qualities I love. Every second I’m with him is amazing and we’ve discussed being together.

I don’t know what to do and ultimately just want the best for my children. I’m worried about so many things and first and foremost, I’m worried about where to start. If I split from my husband, I’m worried about what we will do with the house. Neither one of us can afford it on our own. And I’m worried about what family and mutual friends would think. I just want to be happy and I want our children to have a happy momma.

I’m begging someone for advice. I’m so torn. When is enough enough and how do you know when to start over?