Hey y’all, I need some advice. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year now, we’re both seniors in highschool this coming school year. We’re in a very serious, long term relationship. We’ve talked about marriage and kids and the whole nine yards and stuff. For us personally this is really important. I’m a big planner and I’m gonna be in college for 6 years (I’m majoring in nursing and getting my masters in Midwifery) so we really need to plan things out.

At the beginning of the relationship he really wanted children, I detested them. For some reason after a few months I just fell in love with the idea of having my own little family and one day raising kids with the love of my life. He had the opposite reaction and for months and months has been going back and fourth saying “I want kids, i want to have a family with you one day.” or saying “I don’t want kids, they’re noisy and irritating.” When he’s in the ‘I want kids’ mood he talks about wanting two (I want four) which we playfully bicker about. But then after a few days he says he doesn’t want any at all.

When it comes to marriage he gave me a promise ring back in May and we discussed and wanted to get married after we graduated and before I go off to college. He told his entire family that. Then a week later he called it off and legitimately said nevermind and then I had to tell his mother and sister and be embarrassed out of my mind. He now refuses to talk about marrying me at all and refuses to admit he can’t make commitments. I love this man more than anything but I don’t want to stay in a relationship for years and him just refuse to commit to me or marry him and suffer in a childless marriage.

I am very young, I realize. But I want to start a family fairly early in life (22-24) and it has become one of my biggest goals. At first he was on board. Now it just feels like it’s the last thing on his mind. Back in May I accidentally got pregnant and ended up having a chemical pregnancy. It was really rough on our relationship, he essentially just tuned it out. He now realizes that it wasn’t okay to do that but it really hurt. I’m worried about one day getting pregnant and him just acting like his child doesn’t exist because he wants to be “young and dumb” all of the sudden.

Another thing, my college is an hour away and he won’t move in with me close to campus because he wants to work for a certain company in the city nearby. Also he will be inheriting his grandparent’s farm when they pass. He won’t get an apartment with me halfway between his work and my school because the family is very Christian and thinks it’s wrong for unmarried couples to live alone together.

I’m at my whits end. If anyone has words of comfort or encouragement or advice please comment. I’m not looking for criticism on how I want to live my life or religious beliefs or anything, those comments aren’t welcome here.