Will I ever be the same?

Idk where to put this but I need to tell someone so I'll put it here...I suffered a ruptured ectopic pregnancy last Tuesday at 4wks and had emergency liposcopic surgery to remove the entire right falopeian tube...today I would've been 5wks...my emotions have been all over the place this past week...i cry, yell, get so mad at myself...i continue to feel like it's something that I did wrong even though we had no idea I was pregnant...we ttc 5 years for our little angel...I'm terrified to ttc again..."what if the same happens in my other tube?"...."what if I miscarry?"...."what if it's still born?"..."what if I'm a terrible mama?"...I feel like I'm going crazy...I'm so thankful to God and Him allowing me to live after having 61% of my overall blood in my uterus, but we worked so hard for that baby...I try talking to hubs, but before I can even say anything I just burst into tears and full on sob...I have 6 step children 3 of which are older than me at 30,28,25 and three younger than me 20,17,&6 and I love them so much like they're my own and I love their children too, but this is my 2nd loss(lost twins at 12wks at age 14) and it hurt then, but not like now maybe it's because I was so young and not ready then and just a baby myself...I sit here wondering if I'll ever be the same Katy that I was before this...